A couple I've been working with for the past year recently submitted their story to Dan Savage's After Action Report—the podcast of America's most well-known sex advice columnist, where listeners write in about sexual adventures and experiences.
In Her Own Words
I asked if I could share Courtney's captivating podcast submission. Here it is, verbatim:
Subject: We hired a professional threesome facilitator to fulfill a fantasy and accidentally opened our marriage of 30 years
My husband Carter and I had been together for over 30 years, happy, stable and conventional. When our kids left for college, we went through a bit of a sexual renaissance. We expanded our sexual repertoire, now watching porn together, and my imagination sparked. One day I idly mentioned being curious about what a threesome would be like. Carter was interested, and we started playing with the idea as an erotic fantasy. We browsed escort sites as foreplay, never actually intending to follow through.
Then we found Elaine Love. Unlike the other listings, she wasn't selling a one-time experience. Instead, she was offering a fully guided, erotic introduction to a world we hadn't imagined existed. She called herself a "Threesome Facilitator." And we found that we had called our own bluff.
You have to understand that we were complete novices to sex-positive anything. No sex parties, no flirting, no conversations about sex outside our marriage (and barely within it). We were cerebral, body-disconnected people who were too ashamed to share even our mildest fantasies with each other.
The level of intimacy we reached—with her, and with each other—was unlike anything we’d known in our 30+ years together.
— Courtney
Elaine walked us through consent frameworks, how to interpret our body’s desires and how jealousy and "compersion" worked, and she created what she called a "container for exploration." (We would have rolled our eyes at that phrase six months earlier.)
By the time we reached the two "immersion" sessions, we were ready for the heat of the experience, and also for how genuinely challenging it would be. Deep vulnerability and pure play, simultaneously. The level of intimacy we reached—with her, and with each other—was unlike anything we’d known in our 30+ years together.
Afterwards, we went to a fancy restaurant for dinner. I was in such an altered state that I could barely eat. My husband and I went back to our room, wrapped ourselves in the covers, and talked and journaled for hours. For days we walked around in this dazed, electric, pleasure-state, and in the months that followed, we learned how to continue to generate that feeling between the two of us.
The reading followed: The Ethical Slut, Mating in Captivity, Polywise and Polysecure, Unbound. Then a wholesale re-evaluation of everything we'd been told, and the monogamy paradigm came crashing down. Within a year we'd opened our marriage, moved into polyamory, and started exploring relationship anarchy and BDSM. What started as a shameful little sexual lark became a revolution.
We're in our late 50s. We’ve always lived conventional lives. And now we are genuinely stunned by how much larger our world has become.
— Courtney
The monogamy paradigm came crashing down. — Courtney
What Happens After the Journey
What Courtney describes—that dazed, electric state after the immersions, the months of learning to generate that feeling together—is where most couples think the story ends.
It’s actually where it begins.
Carter and Courtney have worked with me on and off for a full year since their Signature Journey. When they decided to open their marriage, it brought up feelings neither of them had fully anticipated. I supported each of them individually—coaching them through the very different things that opening their relationship brought up for each of them.
When complex feelings like jealousy surfaced, we worked through them together—how to hold them, how to speak them, how to reassure each other of their love without losing the aliveness of the opening.
I recommended books to help them make sense of their new experiences and learn about common pitfalls and best practices.
Gradually, I introduced them to communities, events, and workshops—spaces to explore sensuality, tantra and kink in guided settings. There, they didn't just learn skills. They found belonging and validation, new friends and even lovers.
"We are genuinely stunned by how much larger our world has become." — Courtney
Every Couple's Path Is Different
Some couples have a threesome and feel beautifully complete. Others keep exploring, but only together. A few choose to step into something much larger than they expected.
There’s no right answer. There’s only what’s true for you.
Whatever emerges, I have your back. Coaching, literature, events, support in the moments when you and your partner navigate new territory—that’s how I help you open up safely, should you choose that path.
Yes, a first threesome will likely change your relationship. Nobody knows how. The good news? I'm here to help you make it a change you both feel amazed by. I guide you through it, and through what comes after.
Ready to take your first step?
With love,
Elaine
P.S. Carter and Courtney are fictitious names. Their transformation is real.
P.P.S. Coming up, I’ll be sharing Carter’s side of the story. His journey was not only about opening a relationship but also about opening himself. What emerged surprised even his therapist!
